(ramble)
Silly Stoner.

Got my blood test results back-- woo hoo! I'm so fresh and so clean-clean! I rewarded myself to a day of slackin on Monday 'cause of the good news. That seems like the most important thing to have happened, finding out that I'm disease free.

I feel a little like the stray cat that gets taken in to a nice home. I've gotten fat, healthy, and contented. What a lovely feeling.

Kylie and Dannii Minogue's new stuff, BT's Emotional Technology, Kevin Aviance's Give it Up, Fischerspooner's #1, Timo Maas's Music for the Maases 2. I figure now's as good a time as any tobe replinishing my CD collection. They all got jacked, and so I've not had music for a good while now-- and there was no need to get new music since the CD player in my truck was broken. Now I have one, so CDs I will buy. Its better that I don't have a tape deck or audio-in port on my car, since it means I have to go out and buy CDs again instead of just downloading 'em and throwin' 'em into a Rio Karma.

Eventually I'll nab one of those nifty Karmas, but until then, it means a slow purchace of CDs. I'd like to continue buyin' CDs every week, maybe like one or two a week. That way I'd be maintaining an active interest in listening instead of just being washed over by Pop like I was for a while.

It also means at outlet of spending money on things that are good for me. I need to treat myself to things more often, because I don't do a very good job of that. Pot here, a cappacino there, but rarely clothes or music. Sometimes I manage to save for an electronic, sometimes. I'd like to see myself blowing money away on something other than drugs, snacks, and other wastes of time. It's still blowin' through cash instead of saving it, but 3 small mochas is a cd, you know? I'd rather, as a person, be going for the music that the instant gratifications...

Alas, stoner updates.

One last thing: The McMason Underground Gossip Mill is faster than I had realized. I went to visit my old roomies and michelle yesterday, and you know what? They knew I had a "boyfriend." The message didn't get too distorted in this game of telephone, they're just a 'lil off. Kinda like bein' in the Enquirer, ya know? Gotta love it.

(/ramble)

Things are pretty good over here in the land of Mike.

My parents got back from Daytona really late last night, actually this morning, around 1 am-- they drove straight up from Florida, and it took 'em around 14 hours. They had just gotten off the cruise ship that morning, and drove straight through.

They're so adorable, I love my parents. They're so invigorated, and chipper, and have stories upon stories from their adventure into the islands. They brought me back 4 kinda of rum, which I think is pretty darn exciting, too!

Dark Coconut Rum, Clear Coconut Rum, Mango Rum, and Banana Rum. YUM!

Things are pretty much on the up-and-up.

Republicans, and the Texas they road in on, are Evil.

Osama Surrounded! technically, Krista and I have him surrounded, too. Just depends on what sort of 'distance' you mean by surrounded.

Dubya:"Let's Punk the Media!"

Osama: Coming to you live, the first week in November...

Anywho, I'm gonna be on my way to Mason. It's Homecoming weekend (who knew?!) at school, so there should be lots of shinganigatings for me to enjoy. Puja was drinkin' at 2 when I spoke with her, so we'll see what condition my girls are in when I arrive. I'm gonna be suprising Dan by coming up early, he wasn't expecting me until Sunday, when we were gonna go to a show together.

Hehe, insta-date. I reckon I should bring a change of clothes for Monday, too, since I'm not gonna wanna come all the way home on Sunday. Monday's gonna be a big day, too, speaking of which, cause its blood-test-result-day. I'm gonna be a-okay, but it's so undercover stressful, the waiting and all. I didn't realize I was stressed 'till I noticed the key factor riding as the undercurrent of nonproductivity and detachment. I curbed just about all of those feelings early, but it'll be wonderful to feel "free and clear."

Life is busy.

Going to classes, dating boys, house sitting, with work here and there.

Well, dating boy.

(photo lost to time)
You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(photo lost to time)
Nemesis


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Marriage is love.

Krista is home now.

Fat-in-tine's Day is over. I'm full!

Tomorrow's another day of classes, what could/should be a quiz or two, and another outting with Dan. Dan's so cute.

A good couple of days.

Didn't work a lick at Friday's this week, and I'm not fussin'. I got to spend more time on campus, and actually went to all my classes. It's now past the add-drop date, and I've attended every last one of the jokers. I'm so proud of myself!

Lessie, Ristika gets here in like 10 minutes or so, and I'm stoked. Happy Valentine's Day, finally! Familial live is love, too, and I'm celebrating it. Yay Fam!

I went on another set of dates with Dan; I dig him. We want to see more of each other. He's funny, handsome, he keeps me laughing. He's ridiculously cute.

Spent so much time with the McMason Underground this week... so much fun.

More on the McMason Underground later.

Roundtrip air-fare to London. $199

I should be worried, perhaps, as my wanderlust is kicking in. My wanderlust is very rarely condusive with school; like Caroline's told me on many an occasion, you actually have to be in the state in which you are enrolled if you hope to ever attend a class. She's right, but Boston is a fun visit. North Caroline could be fun. Or Seattle. I've never spent any real amount of time in the latter two, but I do think it could be a welcome stay.

This could all be from the blood test, or it could be from chatting with Mark about my next visit with the sexual assault counselor. He broke up with his boyfriend last night, and other yarns of wrongness. Also in the vein, it could be that I had an enjoyable time with a boy, and now I'm thinking of reasons to make him undateable. I'm a friggin loon, but a loon with a second date today.

Blah, its prolly just a case of Boy.

I get the urge to be elsewhere sometimes, and I guess this morning it kicked in. I used to stare at National Airport when I would take the metro in from Phoenix's, and just think about all the different places I could go, with just the little money in my pocket.

Speaking of "little money," I guess part of it stems from the fact that I'm making next to no money at Friday's... its a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but my sales were $65 on friday, before I got cut for the day. Its really hard to make any cash, even when you're pullin' down 30% tips. That still only leaves you with havin' to tip out bussers... a lovely 18 bones is fun and all, but not when it costs 8 in gas just to get to work.

Alas, I'm sure I'll find myself in better spirits after a ciggertte and some time alone in the car; after all, I do have enough dough to buy party supplies for Ristika and I, so I can't fuss too much. I'm just glad my money from school came, otherwise I'd be a complete pauper.

...

Puja just informed me that it's Rag Time at the Apollo for everyone. A quick guesstimate will confirm that it's all of my girl's rag cycle time... no wonder I'm pissy. That explains last weeks eating.

(photo lost to time)
You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?



I just woke up from a lovely late-day nap. I couldn't help myself, I was so zonked.

Yesterday was such a busy day that I'm honestly not surprised that I needed to just recharge my batteries... I got up, went to school, got my blood drawn, went to class, and then had a date.

I'm not sure what to say about any of the above in great detail, because its still to early to say on all of 'em 😉

I get the results back from my blood work next monday, the 23rd of February, and I hope to have another date with Dan before that. I had a really nice time-- he's funny and hot.

And a total fatty.

We'll see what develops.

</b>Your Results:

1.	</b>Your ideal theoretical candidate.   (100%)  Click here for info
2.	</b>Green Party Candidate   (81%)  Click here for info
3.	</b>Socialist Candidate   (74%)  Click here for info
4.	</b>Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat   (71%)  Click here for info
5.	</b>Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat   (71%)  Click here for info
6.	</b>Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat   (70%)  Click here for info
7.	</b>Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat   (63%)  Click here for info
8.	</b>Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol, IL - Democrat   (62%)  Click here for info
9.	</b>Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat   (59%)  Click here for info
10.	</b>Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat   (56%)  Click here for info
11.	</b>Gephardt, Rep. Dick, MO - Democrat   (52%)  Click here for info
12.	</b>Libertarian Candidate   (45%)  Click here for info
13.	</b>LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat   (43%)  Click here for info
14.	</b>Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat   (34%)  Click here for info
15.	</b>Phillips, Howard - Constitution   (18%)  Click here for info
16.	</b>Bush, President George W. - Republican   (16%)  Click here for info
17.	</b>Hagelin, Dr. John - Natural Law   (8%)  Click here for info

</blockquote>
</td></table>

This table courtesy of Martha V.

I made a friend today in my Comm 301 class. She's quite spiffy, her name's Emily, and she said I reminded her of one of her friends.

Comm 301 is interpersonal communications, and today we were talking about the different roles we fill, as well what roles we look for our potential mates to fill. She and I had a wonderful time ex-bashing.

Well, I asked her to introduce me to the aforementioned friend, and we ended up walking right into him when we got outta class. His name's Dan, and he's cute. I think I've seen him around before, but I'm not super sure. He looked pleased enough to make my acquantance, but who knows.

Do I even like boys again? Again, who knows.

I know that I think this boy in my Comm 380 class is worth a second look. He's a smarty who dresses well and I like that his responses in class always make me think a little. Via note-sending (how 8th grade am I?) with my friend Lauren, we've decided that its a 50/50 shot if he's gay or not. We've made and held eye contact a few times, but nothing more. I thought he winked, but lord knows, it could have been something in his eye.

Thats my luck.

"Attraction is the aggressive, sensual moment, independent of drama, that attacks or shocks the spectator into an awareness or emotion." -- Sergei Eisenstein

Word.

The tide's come in.

Massachusett court rules gay couples have right to marry.

Tears of joy.

The weekend wrapped itself up nicely, and that did nothing but lead to Monday classes. Things are goin' how they should be, so no worries gentle journal... though, one prof is worthy of mention today. Her name is Dr. Sparks, and blonde, tall, power-suited sexy-fierce chica that comes complete with a winnning smile and a vicious glare. Only the former has been fixed in my general direction, but for more reasons than just the latter her class may go down as the "Comm that Made Men Cry." Its a research methods course where the fail rate is almost the same as the actual passing rate.

Fear.

Little rumblings of better judgement be damned, I'm ready for it. Sometimes you get surprised: in a class of 250, one of my friends from Freshman year spotted me; Kumbi, ganked the seat next to me. She makes the wole class less intimidating... shes totally my african goddess. Imagine a study buddy who can dance like the wind, has mini dreads, leather earrings, and will kick your ass if you don't know the answer to question 47-C. That's my Kumbi.

I had plans with Ashley after we both got out of our classes, and seein' as how I was a little early, 6:50 instead of 7:10, I just stuck my head into her dorm and waited... then procced to wait and wait some more. I trusted in her to remember me, she's the type of girl that doesn't forget about appointments with folk, but it was starting to get a little later. 7:45 rolls around, and the dorm door flies up, with her bounding in shocked as hell to find a Mike in her house.

"I called your phone-- its off; I thought you forgot our plans!"
"Nope, been waiting here."
"Get your shoes on and get outside then, bitch!"

Who was out there? Lindsey and Omar! Ashley came back to her room because she had a strange gnaw in her gut-- I guess that was me gnawing! Lindsey came up to surprise folk, and Ashley dipped out on her class. Omar arrived in tow, with the announcement that Omar and Lindsey had decided to rekindle their relationship!

They may not get invitations to "Down With Love"-- but I'm really excited for them. I like the two of them together.

Such a fantastic evening commenced, filled with laughter, smokin', old jokes and new... su-fuckin'-perb. We go to get dinner and who should we run into at The JC but Puja, her old roomie Noukla, our friend May, Carriell, Carriell's roomie (and Dave's friend) Liz, and a host of their assorted friends. Huge reunion again.

Kismet. Unconditional Love.

w00t.

That night I slept at Carriel's, cuddled up, and Carriel taught me how to wrap my hair before bed. I can make the cutest little wrap now! Hehe! Just ya'll wait, you're gonna see me runnin' around with my lil scarf all tied up and talkin' bout my wrap... I can't wait.

Anywho, got up and drove to work, and did about 10 hours on the floor. Made just under 90, but had to give about 30 of it away for the Host/Hostess and for the 20 bucks I borrowed for shoes. Either way, its nice to have a few bones in my wallet again.

Work flew by, except for my last party of 6, which were old renn fair folk, so they tipped well, but ran the shit outta me. I told them I used to work their which may explain both the runnin' and the good tip. Le Shrug.

Speaking of work, I'm getting less shy around Dominick. Our friend Pam is heading to Colorodo for two weeks, and when Dom heard he looks at me and goes "You're stickin' around, right?" "Of course!" "Good-- someone I like'll still be here."

Look-at-me-now-mutha-fuckah! We've progressed into chatting about cars, conditions, cunts, and cuties. In a word, w00t. I still have a silly-stupid crush on the boy, but wordy-mc-word, I'm happy that he digs me and that I'm not just some quivering jello mold around him... just picture the floating fruit, and you'll know how incapacitated I felt around 'em. I don't know why it feels like a big accomplishment to get a boy to laugh, but it does/did. I'm not even interested in him in a sexual capacity, I know he's taken, but still, 'complishment stands. Now that I've loosened up, bein' shy was kinda momentarily neat.

Who knew I could get clamy?! ::grin::

I got to chat with Ashley about boys and their effects, including my silly crush on Dominick, and I got reassurance that for all the steps and stages I'm going through, she has as well, and that they're normal, cute, and healthy. I love Ash.

I was so tired when I got home (was it the 10 hours, or the boy?) that I kinda just tucked myself into bed around 11, and called it a day. Who am I, goin' to bed at 11? Ew.

Ahhh well, wash-rinse-repeat, I guess, 'cause here I go, gettin' back on the road to head to school again.

Last night I watched quite a bit of television; I love TV, don't get me wrong, but I just don't watch a whole lot of it. Last night was an exception, since there was a Queer Eye marathon and the Super Bowl.

I decided to just screw the commercials, and just flipped between the game and the fab 5. I landed back on the tube in time for the Super Bowl Half Time Show, which was a load of crap.

"Oh, diddy you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind, hey diddy!"

That may have been cute, but that was about it. Janet continues to own me, and I was tickled to see that both she and I sport nipple shields:


(photo lost to time)


Anywho, I get to buy my books today, which gets me all sorts of excited. Yay!

Such a good time last night!

I drove up to Mary's and got there a little before seven. Mary lives with Billy Tibbs, who I played football with in High School, and I hadn't seen him since January of Freshman year. Isn't that crazy? Its actually been just about that long since I've seen Stacy, too.

Mary and Stace were out getting pedicures, so Billy and I chatted and made ourselves drinks, then when the girls arrived home, we all decided to make our way to the grocery store for chasers and what not. We decided to get a few bicardi mixers, and I grabbed the correct corresponding fruits to adorn the glasses with, as well as to blend in.

Fatty pride kicked in, and we landed at Taco Bell after the grocery store. Then Donut Connection. Kelsey, Mary's younger sister was out with us, and it turns out she's in 6th grade-- which makes her about 11. Thats when Mary and I met, 6th grade. Scary thought, the realization that Mary and I have been friends for ten years now. Tibbs and I met in 4th grade, Stacey in 6th. We've been friends for a very, very long time.

And, amazingly, it was like nothing had changed. We've all grown up so much in the past few years, yet we still have that special invisible bond that hasn't done anything but grow.

Unconditional love is amazing. I'm blessed.

Kansas's right to discriminate against fags upheld.

I wasn't 15, but I was a month away from 16-- and in Kansas, that meant that I would have sent my suitor to Jail had we been found out. I wouldn't have just sent my comely cocksucker to jail for a year or two, as would have been the sentence for his straight counterpart... oh no, he would have been sent to prison for 17 years, much like the poor man in the article.

Oh, and it was consenual-- and they were both developmentally challeneged, incase you didn't catch that.

When are you motherfuckers going to stop discriminating against me? Every crime against my people is a crime against me-- and I may as well be an asexual creature right now. I don't even like gay men these days, but I wouldn't send one away for 17 years... jeeze.

Bein' up before 8 every morning this week should truly earn me a huge gold star. This made day 5 of that awful hour, and I'm learning to embrace it as best I can.

I found out yesterday that school is allowing me to stay-- they processed all the neccesary withdraw material from last semester, and that frees me in the system for this semester. Now its only a matter of making sure I keep my nose to the grindstone. I reckon I have to be up three different shades of early on Monday so I can get my coursebooks-- an always exciting adventure, if you ask me.

Lindsey turns 21 on Superbowl sunday, but I've yet to get a hold of her to find out her plans; I want to see her, but we will have to wait and see. I know that I'm gonna go up and see Mary and Stacy in Stafford tomorrow sometime, which should be great. I haven't seen Stacy in over a year, and Mary in about 1/4 that.

For now, though, I need to run to work. I can't be late!

We enter in the midst of house warming party held for John and Liz (dating); more correctly, we enter in the midst of a conversation being held by John and Phil (college best friends, now 26) conversing on the matter of why Phil has left his amazing job. Phil responds, only half flippantly, "I left, because I plan to Save the World."

4.18

"And how do you propose to do it?"
"Well, Lungless labs; thats for a start.
We'll picket it, disrupt it, sue it--"
"Phil, Lungless LAbs won't give a fart.
They'll slam you straight into the slammer
Where you can practice Russian grammar
Until... (By ones and twos a knot
Grows round the disputatious spot)...
Sense penetrates your soft ingenious
Cerebrum." "John, you've missed the point,"
Says Phil: "The world is out of joint;
And such acts, though they may seem tenuous
To you, give heart to us; whats more,
Bring new peace fodder to our door."

4.19

Speech strained and clarified by passion
--His S's remain S's still--
In unantagonistic fashion,
Eschewing escalation, Phil
Resumes: "John, take a look around us.
Imagine that the first bombs found us
Just as we are-- as here we stand
A glass of liquor in our hand.
There by the door is Van Gough's painting
Of Sunflowers. Here are all our friends.
And suddenly, our small world ends,
And our vile dust is swept up, tainting
The hills, the vineyards, and the seas
With irredemdiable disease.

4.20

"So tell me, how much will it please us
That mankind with its crazy ways
--Bach, Rembrandt, Socrates, and Jesus--
Will burn to ash and swivelizing haze?
Will it console us to be knowing
In the swift instant of our going
That Red Square, like our children's creche,
Will soon be charred or ulcerous flesh?
And then, when the soft radiation
Descends on what's not been destroyed
--Trees, whales, birds, wolves-- the birthless void--
Think how the crown of earth's creation
Will murder what which gave him birth,
Ripping out the slow womb of earth.


4.21

Is it just 'we' who feel this terror?
Do you think 'they' can't understand
What will come down through aim or error
Upon their great and fragile land?
We must stop--...(Caught by sudden sadness
He fumbles)...-if we can- this madness,
We common people of goodwill..."
A young man stands and stares as Phil
Says, "...Fallout can't tell Omsk from Reno..."
He stands there wordless, half in love,
Drinking Phil's speech, the image of
El Greco's Felix Paravicino:
The same pale, slender, passionate face,
Stregth and intensity and grace.

4.22

It's Ed. Now Liz has introduced him
(At his request). Ed, rarely short
Of words, finds Philip's have reduced him
To numbness. On the tennis court
Or with his advertising rabble
Ed spouts forth a distracting babble
Of witty entertaining trash
Till his companions long to smash
Their rackets on his simmering cranium
Or seal his lips with editing tape;
But two sure passwords for escape
Have been discovered: One's Uranium,
The other, God. All talk of these
Causes Ed's babbling brooke to freeze.

4.23

Now host and hostess, drawn by duty,
Have vanished, but-- to stay with Ed--
At twenty-three, though quite astute, he
Seems easily dispirited;
Although his energy's appealing,
It serves the function of concealing
Rifts of anxiety so deep
Some nights he finds it hard to sleep.
(Liz thinks this trait comes from their mother.)
Both Sue and Liz adore Ed: he's
Warmhearted, fun, and quick to pleace;
But neither understand their brother
When his designs and words are skewed
By what they term his godly mood.

4.24

Phil looks at Ed: intese, athletic,
Silent-- the sort of man whom he's
Uneasy with. But Ed's ascetic
Tension betrays his own unease;
And by now Phiil's free-floating status
(Bouyed by spiritiuous afflatus)
Projects goodwill on all mankind--
And so, in half an hour, we find the pair engaged in conversation,
Which now that he's gained his cool
And half slipped back to playing the fool,
Revolved round Ed's prolonged narration
Of how he happened to procure
A green iguana from the store.

[Phil and Ed continue a fun, light conversation before being interrupted by Jan. Jan, a college friend of Phil's ex-wife is not pleased with an off-handed comment about woman meant only in jest. Phil options to leave, and Ed offers him a place to crash in town so he doesn't have to drive home drunk. They arrive at Ed's.]

4.31

Phil looks around at Ed's housekeeping.
Ed yawns, and strips off shirt and shoes.
Silence outside. The iguana's sleeping.
This quiet grid of avenues
With red-flowered gum for decoration
Lies deep in slumber and sedation.
"It suits me, Phil. The flat's quite small,
But there's a garden, after all--
And a small pool for the iguana..."
Phil's bleary eyes rest on a bowl
Of fruit, a crucifix, a roll
Of film, a photograph of Lana
Turner, who smiles across the floor
At Holbein's sketch of Thomas More.

4.32

"My patron saint." "Which one?" Ed, grinning,
Says, "Go to sleep!" and turns to pray.
He asks forgiveness for his sinning,
Gives thanks for the expended day,
Consignxs his spirit to God's Charity...
Now Philip, with exiguous clairty
And some bewilderment, sees Ed
Cross himself twice, then come to bed.
Lights out. Phil mumbles, "What a party!
I really blew it then with Jan.
Ed, thanks a lot. I mean it, man--
I haven't yet met a Dorati
I didn't like... (Across the bed
He reaches out and touches Ed)...

4.33

... Good Night." Ed fears to answer. Trembling,
He moves his hand across the space
--What terrifying miles--assembling
His courage, touches Philip's face
And feels him tense up and go rigid.
"I'm sorry," Ed says, in a frigid,
Half-choking voice, "I thought you might--
I didn't mean-- I mean-- good night."
Taut with cateleptic tension
They lie, unspeaking. Phil thinks, "Why
Be so uptight? He's a great guy.
I've never bothers with convention.
God! It's a year that I've been chaste...,"
And puts his arm around Ed's waist"

4.34

Now, just as things were getting tenser,
And Ed and Phil were making love,
The imperial official censor
--Officious and imperious-- drove
His undscriminating panzer
Straight through the middle of my stanza.
Now, GentleReader, is it right
This swine should put my Muse to flight,
Rooting about among my pearly
Wisdom till he finds orts that he
Can gobble down with grunting glee?
Forgive me, Reader, if I'm surly
At having to replace the bliss
I'd hoped I could portray, with this.

Since I'm about to trek back out into the snow to make my way up to Mason, I thought I'd share a moment from yesterday.

I used to play football with a guy named Duron; Duron's about 6'2, 280lbs, and a total powerhouse. He was a senior when I was a sophmore, and I eventually took his spot on the team. Imagine a thugged out Ruben Studdard, and we're getting closer to the picture.

He's got a lovely fiance who I've known for quite a few years named Patrice. Patrice was my "special buddy buddy," we were partners in the most random little food adventures together for a couple of years... she's great!

Well, she arrived in early to work to drop off Duron yesterday, and proceeded to tell Jess, Brandi, and me how she learned to "drift" last night. She and Duron went out to the closest empty parking spot, picked up some speed, and then yanked the e-brake. You spin around a few times, wash, rinse, repeat.

It's a lot of fun.

Well, she winked at me and ran to the back of the store, then returned with a set of keys. We ran over to Wawa, purchased our cigarettes, and then went driftin' for about 20 minutes. In Duron's little red eclipse! Hehehe.

When we got back in, Duron looked at Patrice and was like "Baby, why didn't you just walk."
"Honey, you know its cold, and you wouldn't want your boo gettin' cold spendin' too much time outside, now would you?"

HeeeHeee!

Anywho, I'm gonna trek my way up to Mason and have me a day.

Finally!

I've picked a location for the new country I'm planning. I have always planned on taking over a small 3rd world nation and renaming it the People's Republic of Mike... That way, when you're going on vacation and people ask where you're going, you can be like "PROM."

Yeah, and of course I'd be in charge, and I'd be called "Mike the Great," just like I am here. Yeah.

Anyway, it'll be a holy ground for fatties everywhere.

Behold, P.R.O.M.

Today was a lot of fun. I got to go to work today, which I honestly was really excited about. I started training at Friday's in Fredericksburg, and Pam, the shift leader, is doing the training. I LOVE Pam! Becky used to call her Momma Friday's, and its soooo true. She's really the only person workin' in the front of the house from when I was originally employed there.

However, as of today, thats no longer completely true. They fired the GM that was there when I went in last week for sexual harrassment, and brought in a new one today. His name is Jay, and he was the FOH manager when I started at Friday's. Weird, huh? So, thats two more GMs in my tenure there, for a total of five. Crazy.

I also got my hair cut today, and I'm tickled with the results, as I got a Central Park discount which brought my grand total to only a 7.95. Its the best haircut I've had in ages, too.

On the way home it was sleeting and gross, but I made it all the way into Colonial Beach before trouble arose. Only in Colonial Beach do people stop in the middle of the street and gab from truck to truck. I'm not sure what sort of inbred mentality they have that in the middle of a fucking ice storm its a good idea to stop and chat, but it landed me in a ditch. In what was surely an act of charity, they proceeded to roll up there windows and drive away as I got out of my Blazer. Bastards.

Before I could hate humanity entirely after this, the guy who's yard I landed in came out and helped me dig my truck out of the ditch, and his neighbor brought over a bright flashlight so that we could find something to attach the tow cable to-- the guy had a 4x4 and pulled me outta the ditch. No damage to me or to my vehicle.

They've not announced yet whether or not I'll have class tomorrow, but I reckon not. Eitehr way, I'm getting up at 8am to find out; I wanna be in Fairfax fairly early tomorrow if I have to go at all.

Krista and I gabbed a bit today, and we've decided she's coming down Valentine's Day weekend, and we're going to have a "Down With Love" party, complete with 60's theme. She convinced me into the theme, but it lets me go get the pair of cute-cute Chanel glasses I wanted.

Yay!

Some interesting news today:

Adderol/Ritalin, Study Drugs? Clearly.

Cheney's Allowed to Make Judges Partial.

So we send him to try to con the pope.

And finally, some good news: Virginia Introduces Bill to Open Liquor Stores on Sunday! Yay!

I speak out whenever possible about the evil's of the Patriot Act. This is why.

Things are looking up, however, as some portions have been declared unconstitutional.

But we still have a long way to go.

Do ya'll remember the show on Nickolodean called "Guts!"? It later had a spin-off called "Global Guts!"-- they didn't stray too far from the course, they just made it a 'lil ethnic. Three or so kids competed in a competitions that were crosses between "American Gladiator" and "Secrets of the Hidden Temple," and featured one brutal muthafuckin' final round where contestants raced up a mountain while all sorts of perilous traps and thrills awaited. The goal was to activate every light on your side of the mountain, and to reach the top. This perfidious pyre of foam and steel was called the Agro Crag.

If you won, you recieved the much coveted "glowing piece of the Agro Crag."

I always wanted a piece of that damn mountain, but never made it on the show-- I was too busy in Colonial Beach with twinkies and pipedreams.

So, I realize they might be treasured by the contestant or something, but I wanna get one now. Do you think they're on ebay?

I woke up a few minutes ago from a really yucky dream. It was Justin, and his face with twisting and bubbling, and looking horribly scary... enough so that it work me.

Yikes. I got up and found out that school was cancelled, ate a cookie, and now I'm treading back into my bed with more trepidation than I'd like. And I have a full blown winter-sick-cold-thing.

That damn dream was truly frightening! Yuck.

"If I Were You" by Candee Jay

If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so

I can't play your part in life
But I would surely walk my way
I cannot think the way you think
But I would never go away

You can trust me when I say
That I will always be for real
You can always count on me
No metter how alone you feel

If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you

I would never..
I would always..

I can't tell you what to do
I can only hope for more
More decisions to be good
Like the way they were before

I can't dream the things you dream
Cause I would not know where to start
Life is never what is seems
when two souls are far apart

I don't wanna know
How it feels to lose a friend
And if I were you
I would never leave again

If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you


Well Huh.

What Kind Of Superhero Are You? by electronicoffee
Your Username
Your First Name
Your Superhero Last Name	Flarestar
Your Weapon	Dagger of Ice
Your 1st Superpower	Meta Seduction [pheremones]
Your 2nd Superpower	Invisibility [Mental]
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

My Dad is a wise man. It's snowing, and he went outside to grab the shovel and brought it in. Little events, big events. I don't know that I would have thought to do that immediatly.

I lose my phone or keys at least twice a day.

Each.

I can learn a lot from him.

What a great lazy day!

I woke up at like 8am and took a morning bath that lasted about an hour; a hot bath first thing in the morning has very similar qualities to a wake-and-bake, I think its safe to say. Should either occur, the rest of the day will be spent relaxing, eating, and ultimatly enjoyed.

Now, don't get me wrong... adventures can occur, the adventure rating just gets graded on a curve-- I went to the gas station, and that takes about a 1/2 hour to do around here, and that definatly constituted an adventure! I hit up rite-aid today to see if they had any 5-HTP, but alas, they don't. So, I spent another half hour just playing in their vitamins section, seeing all the different goodnesses I could promote. Such a stoner moment.

Thats okay, today was certaintly a pleasent one.

Oh, and randomness strikes again. Puja and Carriel decided to go to a little party with (get ready) Carriel's suitemate's friend. Who is Dave.

They also met his boyfriend, Chris. I forgot how great the Triumvarate was. Anyone can be triangulated, and I found Chris's boyfriend without even knowing to envoke the power. Word. They came back with the right responses-- chris is a nice guy. Thats important. They also came back with things that made me smile for purely selfish reasons. Word, twice.

Yah, good day. Now all I'm wondering about is if I should run up to the school today, or stick around here and wait out the snow. I can get things accomplished tomorrow if I go up, school or no. I may go up tonight and call it a draw.

A gem, from Puja: "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse."

Word, Hat Trick.

Grumble, grumble.

I need to get lean. I need to get myself going to the gym regularly. I'm frustrated with myself doublely today, and its my own fault.

Thats the term used to describe what I was when I was bein' a hot-mess in the city, at least according to a couple of people. I was lean then, and now I'm "still cute", but not as cute as I was "when [I] was lean." I have this stupid complex already, and I realize its outta hand.

Krista has made her case thorougly-- she's been pushing for me to get off my weight-loss issues and move on to the gym. Get lean, get toned. She's right-- I'm not 300lbs anymore, and I can't keep yo-yoing these last 15lbs. I've fought with them for more than a few oscillations.

I have the campus gym for when I'm there, and Mom has suggested I start going to the Pumphouse right here in town, as it has a tanning bed to boot.

I'm going to be working at TGIFriday's starting on Tuesday, and I get to be excited about that. I'm also more than a 'lil excited at the notion of reclaiming my cell phone from UPS. I can't wait to have her back. I miss my phone.

I'm being a fussbudget right now, and I know why. I was hooking up with a guy named Chris for a while this Summer, I guess it was earlier on while I was still at Peace Action, so about May-ish. Chris was a nice guy, but he was about as on the ball as a brick. He also was a crazy substance abuser and got kicked out of his frat/school for being such. He wasn't out, he was a nice guy, but fairly low calibur.

I see him online today, and I said hello, and he told me that he had seen my name on his boyfriend's buddy list. I was of course intrigued, so I asked who is boyfriend was.

He said Dan.

Do I even know a Dan? I think I do, but I can't for the life of me pull the memory of where from. I'm bothered by this for a lot of reasons... argh.

Part of me also believes that this is the boy who is dating Dave, and that he typed the wrong name. I'm going to be more than a little irritated if he is dating Dave and said Dan, but whatever.

I told Dave that I wanted to ask him out to a real date the last time we were together, but I would have felt like a creep doing it after coming up to help him deal with a break-up. Thats just a little skuzzy in my book... but I did tell him that I had the thoughts of asking him out, and that I knew these were things that were wrong to tell a boy who was dating someone else.

Dave said that if he left his boyfriend, he wouldn't hold any feelings towards him. I don't know how to react to that.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go by the Pumphouse and see whats what. Aside from wanting to start lifting, and I would desperately like to go for a run... nothing cleanses my soul like a good run. I just can't go in the cold, its too hard on my lungs.

Its also almost time for my checkup, and I've got anxieties this time around. I reckon I'm gonna go pay the money on campus and see what happens. I can't let fear get to me, I just need to go get a clean bill of health and be done with it. I'm just scared of big red marks this time.

I so don't like that fear. It gets in the way of things. All the more reason to go and have it dispelled.

How long do I last in bed? by DesideroAmor
Real Name
Birthdate (MM/DD/YY)
Favorite Color
Gender
Hours	5
Minutes	50
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Remember, they've all been on the money thus far... I'm just sayin'....

I spent Christmas Break rediscovering unconditional love; the soundtrack was a very broad selection of Alanis Morrisette, Jason Mraz, Sex and Ego, Eminem, and others. I really got to listen to Jason Mraz while Krista and I were together, and again with the arrival of Mara.

Hehehe, it was actually the background for our hunt to find a parking spot on Indepence... before we put on "Bully." A far better track to be aggressive to. "faggot ja, hahaha"

Anywho, Krista has a version of "Waiting for My Rocket to Come," Jason Mraz's debut album, that contains a very different "You and I Both." I've yet to buy the album myself, I think I'm going to have to do that today, so I don't know for sure that the album even contains her version, but either way, the radio play is different on that track.

So, that long as blurb aside, the song is distinctly sadder and carries a resonating note of meloncholy through out that I just don't feel on the radio edit. Jason's inflections and modulations can make the song a tough listen... it's beautiful, and I'm filled with different emotions everytime. Its not always good to get choked up while driving.

The last time I was with Jarret the song came on the radio. Again, it was the peppier, happier, more-remedy-er version I felt compelled to share with him the fact that I like the album version better, and to explain to him why. It's in his buddy profile now:


"And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of and if you could see me now
Well that I’m almost finally out of
I’m finally out of
Finally-dee-deedle le dee dee
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Well I am free, Oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephone well their workin it both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang"


Is he aware completely of how I feel now? I don't know for sure, which makes me feel like I have to have a heart-2-heart. Perhaps now I know what it feels like to be on the other side. It reminds me of "Jolene," it can be either pathetic and sad, or empowering, depending on who's vantage you take, Jolene's or the Singer's.

Harumph.

Something funny: "...Rivals Neil Finn in his ability to invoke the spirit of Paul McCartney." -- Amazon.com's Review

Don't you have to be dead to have your spirit invoked? If not, wouldn't it hurt to have your spirit go on vacation? Is that what Day 7 feels like?

Alright Kids, lets strap in.

The first day of Mike's 2 hour each-way commute begins today... and you know what? I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm so excited that classes are starting. Its been such a hard road with so many different deceptions and failures and what not, that this semester I know for a fact that I will recieve at least a 3.4 gpa.

Hold me to it.

Here is a copy of my schedule, a tough looking 12 credits though it may be. At the end of this semester I will have finished my concentration in Media Criticism!!! w00t.

Voice and Articulation:
Comm 210-001 Mon-Wed 1:30-2:45 Thom 112 00707
Interpersonal Communication Theory:
Comm 301-002 Mon-Wed 3:00-4:15 Thom 211 00723
Media Criticism:
Comm 380-001 Wednesday 4:30- 7:10 Krug 204 00779
Cable TV:
Comm 399-005 Wednesday 7:20-10:00 Thom 121 00784

(photo lost to time)
You like it fast and strong and you drink for one reason: to get piss-ass drunk! You're a shot of some good oldhard liquor!


What Drink Are You?

Okay, the slut references are getting a little excessive here. Can I have one quiz that doesn't wanna make me Tramp Bear? Sheesh. No more quizzes for me for one whole day.

And I won't fuck anyone tomorrow at school, to appease the quiz gods.

Jesus.

(photo lost to time)

Hahahahahahhahahaha

Look at the bitch's raincloud. And Rainbow!

Gayest Stamp EVAR! And I saw the "I Love Lucy" and "Wizard of Oz" stamps, so thats saying something.

Someone must buy me this stamp, available at your local post office!

Or, online.

Alright, I'm now off to discover exactly how I'm going to be transporting myself from here to anywhere.

(photo lost to time)
Fight Club!


What Movie Do You Belong in?


Krista asked me the last time she saw a batch of quizzes on here if I was cheating or not. And, after this quiz, I'm starting to wonder if they just aren't too accurate for their own good. Creepy!

Oh, something funny from last night. While the group of us that went to Zola's were waiting for our table, we sat in the Bar and shot the shit. There was a girl in the bar with the cutest little set of cherries inked on her neck. I had to tell her how much I enjoyed them, and she ended up being totally sweet.

I sat down next to her and gabbed, and stole a ciggarette. She giggled as she handed it to me, and warned me it was a Newport. I told her that menthols were a tasty minty treat, kinda like candy canes-- they only come around so often, but you're always tickled when they do.

I run into her again about 3/4 into my visit to Zolas, sometime before dessert has arrived-- and her friend Tracy has arrived. Both of these girls are beautiful, I gotta say, but neither one is prettier than the other, just pretty in different ways.

So, we're talkin' about UPN sitcoms, when Lisa asks me if I knew who Tracy was. Of course I didn't have a clue, and Lisa responds with "Beyonce". Well, I lean around and grab "Beyonce"'s ass, and proceed to laugh mine off. I told them that I was gonna leave here and tell everyone that I grabbed beyonce's ass at the bar-- had I taken a photo I coulda gotten away with it, Tracy really did look a lot like her.


Lisa: Now, do you know who I am?
Me: Toni Braxton?
Lisa: Why does everyone say that?! No! I'm J.Lo!
Me: Prove it! Turn around?
*turns*
Me: Stick it out! Shit gurrrrl, even white boys gotta shout.
Tracy: Baby got back.

I Said Gah-Dayum, Gah-Dayum.

Fuckin adventures out the wazoo in the past two days. For Christmas, my brother Trey gave me Capitals tickets. I couldn't have been more thrilled, the only time I make it to a Caps game is when he throws tickets my way.

And, of course he has seasons tickets, and the seats were amazing. That said, I got to the stadium, and suddenly I'm a star. I'm sitting in Trey's section getting looks, and he hasn't quite arrived yet. I'm there maybe 10 minutes and he shows, headed to his buddy's section.

He calls me over, and we shoot the shit for a bit. I have to fess up to circling the wrong date on the calander, so I was like a half an hour late, and dateless, but I think it was better that way. Why you ask? Cause Trey and I got to do some major drinking and some major bonding.

Everywhere I went, I got treated like VIP, and whenever Trey would say "that's my little brother" people would come up to shake my hand, or tell me how wonderful my big bro is.

Weeeeeird. So, Caps won, and Trey kept grabbing me Tanqs and Tonics-- I love that my brother knows exactly what I like to drink.

But, either way, we had a really nice time just bullshitting at Nick and Stefs, and then made our way down to Rosa Mexicano. Of course they had to be booked, so we diddybopped right on down to Zola's.

Its Resturant Week in the city, so it was all sorts of packed, but we got this swank-ass booth in the back. I had this awesome pepperoni fondue, a veal dish, and a chocolate fondue dessert... oh my god was it fuckin' lucious. It was all very hoity-toity, and I of course ate the atmosphere up with a spoon.

Hell, I woulda sopped it up with a biscuit.

I parted ways with my brother and then made my way to Cosi. I hung out for a bit, smoked some with the Nuvia, and met the members of Stomp!

They were eating in Lauren's section, and then we went out together. We headed down to Ben N' Mo's where we partook in an apple hookah and watched the MC Battles. There was this one little white girl who was off the chain... and she was punkin' the big dudes left and right.

You know I gotta cheer for my underdogs.

Out with me was Lauren, Jess, Jarrett, and the guys from Stomp... and after we parted ways with the Stomp-Heads, we went back to the house on Holmeade and smoked. Lauren and I proceeded to make our infamous Grands Biscuit (which we make EVERY time we're stoned in that damn house) and egg sandwhich. Yessah, it was good.

Jarret drove me back to his place and I had a nice sleep. I also have come to the realization that Jarret and I just aren't sexually compatible. He's a great, amazing guy, but he just doesn't do it for me.

I can sleep next to him without getting hard. Its done.

I'm concerned that we may lose our friendship, and I'd hate to see that happen. I love spending time with him, and hanging out with him. As a matter of fact, Jarret's done a great job of always being there when I needed him, and he makes me feel good. All that said, he still doesn't do it for me sexually. I won't call him a bad kisser, thats not nice, but he sincerly doesn't work me out. I wish he did. It would make it easier.

Either way, its the next day, and I'm giving Nuvia a hand in upper Northwest. Picture it: Martin Luther King Day. Empty, but car lined street. Me driving. Car *reversing* out of a parallel parking spot. Crunch.

I manage to tag the back of his car and seriously fuck up the front of mine. The muthafucker was drunk and stoned, and didn't speak english-- but get this, Nuvia knew him. He fucking sells heroin apparently, and she knew a boy that owed him 15Gs. She told me not to give him my real info, and since she was translating, I was sure not to.

Attafuckingirl.

We walk a few blocks up and catch a bus down to the Fort Totem metro stop, from which we caught the red line down to Dupont South. Nuvia made it home safe and sound, and Jarrett came and kept me company all day.

Thats partly one of the things I'm worried about with the Jarret, for the record. He's a good buddy, and I don't wanna hurt him. I know that he once had trouble dating another boy because that boy just wasn't me, and as ego-inflating as that is... I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone. I know what it feels like. Men suck.

Um, yeah, bitter faggot shit aside, I called dad, and he comes up to tow my lovely car away. He gets it all set up good and tight, and I tap the gas just a tiny bit to align it all properly, and we're all good to go... when my car goes over the edge of the dolly, falling and wedging itself now *on* the dolly. Yah, thats a fucked up chasis. Somehow, Dad and I managed to fix it with the help of two extra jacks and some 2x4s.

Let me just also repeat that I have somehow fucked a heroin dealer and we are in the sketchiest neighborhood around. I'm scared shitless by my city for the first time ever, and I'm just glad that we're ready to go.

Oh, thats when the tire on the dolly pops. My father's a bright guy, he knows when I'm around to expect the unexpected, and he just so happened to have a spare dolly tire.

Which pops, too. So, my dad's now towing my car through Georgia Avenue on a rim, just praying that a gas station appears. The dolly's shaking like crazy, and I'm nearly in tears for my poor car. We've travelled maybe 2 blocks with a tire, and now maybe 7 more on the rim.

When things are starting to get a little bleak, and the dolly's begun ratttling crazy-style, we look and see a "Now Entering Maryland" sign. And, then, like the fuckin' burning bush, a BP appears, and lawd-love-ya, it had a service station. AND it had a 13 inch tire to fit the dolly.

Yeah, we made it home alive... but now that I've decided (oh, you may not know this) to stay home and not move to DC until prolly August, I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna get to and from class... argh. Its a 2 hour commute each way, and I can't exactly take the bus.

Ahh, well, we'll see. I refuse to let this strip away my clarity and good mood. I forged the beginings of a real friendship with my older brother, decided exactly how I do and don't wish to live out the next 7 or so months, and have found a way to actually discuss things with my father when we have differing view points without either one of us feeling attacked-- I don't know what silly braid the universe is trying to weave with these incidences and calamities, but I refuse to let it be anything other than a bright knit.

Huzzah.

Hahahaha, Emily would be sooo proud of me! I have managed to watch nothing except trash TV for like a week now!

The summer before last, she spent about 70% of her evenings at my house. Every night she would have a different chick-friend that her mother thought she was staying with, when in reality she was taking up the other half of my queen-size mattress. Wooo-wee, that girl. She was over so much that we called her our "other" roomate. We didn't give her a number, cause that wouldn't be fair-- really, she was number one.

But, anyway, we would cuddle for hours, watching trash reality television and getting minimal sleep. It would go Blind Date, Change of Heart, Elimidate, and then Fifth Wheel. We'd get to watch an episode of Married with Children, and then Street Smarts. We'd eat one of my crazy rice concotions, and then we'd go to bed.

Or drink for no good reason except that we enjoyed our time drunk, too.

She'd make snorty noises at me to play with her hair... it in truth was one of her favorite things in the whole world, to have her hair played with. I used to fall asleep running my fingers through my mom's hair when I was really little; I could fall asleep playing with Emily's hair, but it rarely happened that I was the first one out. I hope she knew that it was one of my favorite things in the world, too.

Haha, that girl. She'd have to yell to get me up before she left in the morning, because she would be leaving first and she knew I had a helluva time getting up. I'd pretend to get up and then fall back asleep for 15 minutes more that I really didn't have.

And we'd wash-rinse-repeat, with the occasional IHOP Salad night in between. Oh, the IHOP Salad... We'd split a salad between the two of us, sometimes stoned, and then go home and have a trash-tv night.

I don't have a 40 to tip, but i'll flip the remote to your memory, Em.

Le sigh.

Well, I'm putting in a retroactive withdrawl for this past semester's fuckups. I certainly have enough proof to show I had outstanding circumstances all semester, so I will prolly get it. The dean of the College of Arts and Sciences, my new subcollege, decided to return to me my schedule that the system ate, and told me to just go to the classes and explained what happens.

The retroactive withdrawl should be a good thing. I went on a blind date last night with a boy named Chris. Chris goes to Hamden Sydney, an all boy's school, and came with fairly high recomendations from one of my high school team mates.

So, I meet him at Friday's, and of course I'm 20 minutes late. And, of course, he's drunk. Not so much there, buddy. The muthafucker deserved a merit badge for his fucking crackscout troop. So, I gave him the cold shoulder and made friends with the table next to us. When he got up to use the restroom, the guy at said table leans over and goes:

"Whadya think?"
"I think he's a douche."
"No kidding. If he hadn't gotten up, I would have said something."

Now the time come for us to do something else, and he wants to take my car. My response is fairly simple: I don't have room. He got the hint. He leaves, and I end up chatting with the guy at the table, Sean. Sean goes by the name Newman, and dates the manager Sabrina. Pam, who has been at friday's even before I came and went, comes over and gabs, keeping us company. Well, then walks in a guy named Dominick. Dom is hot. Hot, Hot. Nice... and funny.

Fuck.

He has a boyfriend.

I couldn't maintain eyecontact with this boy. I didn't want to talk for to long, I almost felt nervous! I really try to be good around people who are taken, but I have a hard time with my Ps and Qs when I'm sober, and a helluva lot harder time when I'm drunk. So what else, knowing I have to be good, would they do except invite me to Merriman's? You know Merriman's-- Fredericksburg's very own gay bar.

Not that I'm sayin' I would have bagged him or anything, lemmie just say, but it was neat to get those butterflies. Either way, Merriman's was incredibly dead, so I bounce on home.

It gets to be about 3am-ish and I'm on the computer, and my friend Dave is a bit upset. His new boyfriend and He broke up earlier in the day, and I felt bad for him. I knew he needed an ear, so I turned around and drove the 45 minutes back into fredericksburg to meet him at Denny's around 4.

Dave and I have a fairly neat history. I met him at in a hot tub, both of us fucked up, naked. We chatted, realized we went to the same school, and clearly, since we were both naked at the same party, had mutual friends. Dave's body really kinda "does" it for me... he's a beautiful person, and I mean that through and through.

Initially, he knew Jimmy, who took Dave in when Dave was younger. We call Jimmy Ma Harper, and he kinda keeps watch over all of us, for what I generally feel is a benevolent reason. Dave has differing views on Jimmy a bit, but he still calls Jimmy "Dad" and Jimmy still calls Dave "Son"-- Lets just say sociopaths exist everywhere. And the drugs can bring out sociopaths, which is scary. Dave is mistrustful of Jimmy, and tina users.

That said, I recently kicked my own tina habit. The fact that I know Jimmy and the fact that I used made Dave really nervous about me, and those nerves turned into an accusation right before New Year's. We had managed to spend a lot of really good time getting to know each other on an intimate basis at thi point, but on the last day we were together, he got a lil weird. I kinda just decided to chalk it up to the "whatever" category, since I know full well that I have a boy who's personality and looks I really like, and he also happens to really like me. His name is Jarret, and he couldn't be more wonderful. Not a lick better!

Oh, but the flaw.

Its a wonder to me how much I dig a guy who legitmatly understands me. I reckon there are very few sensitive guys out there, and Jarret is definatly one of them. He likes me to explain my emotions and my darkness, and he listens intently. But, I also realize that he doesn't grasp a lot of it the minute I throw it out; not because he's slow, just because we've had different life experiences. I'm just weird.

Jarret and I have a lot of roads left to walk down, and who knows, he may be a boy I see in a monogamous, serious capacity. I think about him in that role a lot, and I know he does for me as well... heck, we've been on-off since august.

But, we were discussing Dave. Weird as I may be, I was happy for Dave when he said he was in a relationship with a new boy, even though it hadn't been that long since we last went out. I can understand it though, since Jarret and I could up an item, and I'd have been the one that seemed to suddenly be "committed."

I had assumed the boy would have to be better than me, or more ready to commit, or something, so I figured he clearly was a good guy. I was excited and happy for Dave. Pissy, true, but also very happy.

They lasted 16 days, and the dude was an Alcholic. The capital "A" is for asshole. I discovered all of this at Denny's chatting, and I think it went until around 6am. I come back from the bathroom, and Dave's sorta making a face, so I ask what he's thinkin'. He was tryin' to figure out weither to ask me home or not, and how to do so without there being some sort of subtext. He was trying to be nice, and you know what? Krista and I are gonna have to stop calling him by the nickname "Crazy."

Krista:"Talk to Crazy lately?"
Me:"Nah, Crazy's been writing too much poetry about the drugs I did to talk on the phone."

We're not nice. But, I guess the good behavior from earlier that day kicked in again, cause we cuddled and stuff, and didn't hook up or anything. We just snuggled, and it was very nice. He's a good snuggler.

So, ya, we managed to watch moviesall today and it was the perfect way to spend the day-- I feigned that i ran errands to those that would have cared, but really, it was a movie day. Dave and I stayed on the couch, under the covers, and practically in our pajamas for "Roger & Me", "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", and "The Lost Boys." I barely watch one movie every three months, so I'm setting a high benchmark early on in 2003.

Lots of other personal though, but I'm tired. I'll remember to talk about the fact that I've decided not to move back to DC for a good long while. But, sleep now.

My cousin Mara has this anteater, and its really very adorable. The anteater has some great story attached to it, and an equally great name. I don't really remember the story or the name, because it was probably a really cute boyfriend-y story, and judgeing from my last couple of entries, I have reason to block out cutesy boyfriendy stuff 😉

Nono, it's Mr. Something-er-other, but really, he's cute.

I, too, keep an anteater next to my computer at all times. He's a teenie-beanie baby from McDonald's.... it's the mini-me of hers. Who keeps an anteater at the computer? Honestly.

Well, in my car there is a purple otter named Pip that lives in the sunglass holder. He has a brother, Pop, who resides in sunny California with one of my dearest friends, Becky. He's a great otter, and very few people know he even exists, since he spends so much time in the shades holder.

Becky was my first roomie ever, and I love her dearly. One late, late night we watched simultaneously the sun come up and "The Bear in the Big Blue House."

So, anywho, I found out today my father has a road buddy. We were taking some cars up to the auto auction, and I happened to notice that he had some weird figurine wedged in between the windshield and the dash board. Otter!

They talk. Kinda crazy, both that they talk, and that he too has an otter... I talk less to my otter than my father prolly does to his seein' as how a friend had to reprimand me once for talking to Sketch while driving. I was chatting with him on the phone, and of course he had to hear my talking Sketch Doll (from the great movie Kilo and Sketch) start ta1lking in the background. Those things are so accurate (hahaha), and they respond to so many things you say (or what they think you said). I was busted, but thassokay (it prolly would have responded to that).

Oh! My cousins Krista and Aric had a conversation recently that seems fairly fitting, and fucking kills me:

Aric: What does my m2 get at a 1/4 mile?
*begins to flip through book*
Krista (from across the room, barely looking up): 15.6
Aric: Damn! 15.6! You're Right!
Krista: No way! I pulled that out of my ass!

One Last Sketch Tangent: My Sketch Doll wears a burgendy bandana now, to differentiate himself from Jeremy's. That was a neccesity once Kate started SketchSitting my Sketch and Jeremy's Sketch. Headwear makes it happen!

Lil, the original of Coyote Ugly, sent this my way (okay, blatently ripped from her blog):

TARA'S QUESTIONS TO ASK TO AVOID DATING A DOUCHBAG
1. Do you still live with mother?
Having to wipe my ass everyday is a part of life. Having to wipe his ass too is only doubling your chances of getting your hands in SHITT!!
2. What kind of car do you drive?
He must drive a nicer car than yours or one equal to it. If not that just means his piece of crap car will always be broken down and guess who becomes the taxi
3. Do you have a checkbook and at least one credit card?
If he doesn't that just means he has no credit and eventually he will want you to cosign in order to replace his PIECE OF SHIT CAR!
4. Do you do drugs, or have the need for drugs?
Yes antidepressants fall under this category. Loser
5. What type of drunk are you?
A grown man taking a piss on the floor of the living room is not exactly material you want to bring home to mom and dad.
6. How long does it take you to get ready?
Taking longer than you to get ready means he is one of those pompous asses that will take the rear view mirror from you while you are putting on your makeup to check his hair
7. Have you ever been in jail and for every 10 people in your family is there more than one of them in jail?
If the answer is no, follow by asking if you were dating him and he went to jail would he call you to bail him out?
8. At what temperture do you wash your underwear? You might find this question odd, but if he can't answer it you'll find yourself enjoying doing his laundry as well as yours.
9. What do you do for a living?
Although the initial thought is materialistic, this question is actually showing you if you will be filling out resumes for a second job because you got stuck paying his bills too.
10. And last but not least the ever so important sex question.
How often do you NEED sex?
Don't get me wrong sex is great..to want it everyday is onething.. to NEED it is a flashing red sign that says CHEATER!

Chapter Heading
by Hemingway

For we have thought the longer thoughts
And gone the shorter way.
And we have danced to devil's tunes
Shivering home to pray;
To serve one master in the night,
Another in the day.


Amazing, it still fits...

Before, it was about the pressing feelings one conjurs when they are embarking on a decision. Intellectual intercourse and the idea of entertaining a new voice; Was I to accept the request for rekindling of relationship fires, fires I never extinguised internally, from the only boy I, at the time, had ever loved with all my heart? The one that I had loved infinitly, but also the one that had done a complete emotional whitewalling and had repeated a vicious cycle of leaving and regretting? I had trusted this boy on countless occasions with my trust, and this new voice was whispering "drive to him." Something inside me knew that "him" wasn't the boy who wanted to rekindle.

The poem, for me, had a lot to do with correct decisions and the fear associated with the haze of indecision. It was a battle of inner bravery yet exterior cowardice....Which voice do I obey? The idea of even going to see this new boy was a betrayl... but it was also *right*, and you cannot betray those who let it happen to themselves.

Drive, Drive, Drive Away.

this boy who was my best friend... I wanted to go listen to him talk for hours. I had cell phone bills that clearly showed I was practicing. I wanted to drive the hours it took to visit him, just so I could lay next to him, knowing that at some point in the night he would scoop me up and twist me into a pretzel, hugging me as tightly as he could. I wanted to feel it in every chakra of my body that I was wanted and loved.

I've never known more than when I was seventeen, and there I was eighteen. I could have made the decision so much more properly had I been forced to six months sooner.

I heard this poem in my head the first time I made the drive home.

I felt like I was doing such wrong. I couldn't help but drive to see him every second I got. To stay for as many weekends as possible. To envelope him the way he enveloped me. I can still smell his presence when I close my eyes, a phantom of pheremones that I wish more often than not to forget. But the voice was right. I needed to make that drive.

That poem is so different now. Its bigger, meaner. It's begun to embody a gorgeous, worldly woman with all natural hair-care products and a biodegratable poly-cotton blend power suit. She is the the corporate gaia, red tape incarnate. And, this poem comes to mind every time I'm forced to reflect on one of her assaults.

I was so much stronger and smarter. I wanted to be so much "more." But, now that more seems like so much less.

Frankly, things felt different the first time I thought about this poem. One emotion and one person had the potential to fill the world so much darkness... this vast, loud darkness-- and I thought I had somehow bested it.

Its different now, I said, some how flipped inside-out. The logo seems to be on the inside.

Before, it was one emotion affecting the world, now its the world affecting one person.

I wonder I'll ever flip it right-side-out? I think my eyes have readjusted to the very loud dark. I know that black bleeds with just a little water and I realize now that that's the only color corporate gaia paints in.

I don't get a sense of accomplishment from helping very rich people get very richer anymore. I can strike out on my own right now and start at some shmuck corporation... I know I can. But muthafucker, I know I won't be happy being a corporate tool, and I don't mean to be a sqwaking cliche.

I think that my ambition has changed. I'm so much more driven to being happy, as opposed to my happiness driving me to my ambition. I think my goal sets are very different, and I kinda fear that. I wanna be happy with making 24,000 a year and doing really engaging things. I don't know right now whats going to fulfil me at 45 because I don't know whats fulfilling me right now.

I don't know if anything is.

God, to be 17. I've gained perspective in the past couple of years. Frankly, though, I think I liked it better from over there. I can still remember the smell created by lovers body against me, but I can't taste ambition. Yet I can feel my powers rageing beneath the surface, ready to be used for something... Not love, not work, but what?

"It must be stretched before it is to shrink" -- Lao Tsu.

Grumble, Grumble.

I spent the morning lying in bed until about 2. I also stayed up reading until about 5, so I feel absolutely fan-fucking-tastic about my decision. Normally when I'm in low spirits, I like to stay in bed alllllllll day long, occasionally getting up for sorbet or dulce de leche.

Today, I was in high spirits everytime I woke up, yet I still curled my toes around the slightly indian-themed comforter and tucked myself back in for a nap. Every single time. And it happened like 4 times.

But, anyway, I got up at 2 and spent the afternoon helping my dad out at his shop, runnning cars back and forth from fredericksburg for 'em. No big deal at all, really.

Nothing, in fact, to grumble at. Ohhh, but there's more. I got an academic warning my freshman year that carried over to the first semester of my sophmore year. When you are a freshman and get a warning, it is also a probation, simply 'cause of how its set up. Well, now it looks like I've royalled screwed myself, because I got a warning this semester. That combo warning-probation has managed to land me my first Academic Suspension. Argh!

There seems to be an override I can request. But, that means I really, really have to get on the ball! I guess things could be worse, cause they're not really so bad.

I did find the override info, and I called ATT today and found out where the hell the phone they were supposed to be sending me was. Its in transit. In (you may laugh now) Chantilly. I'm gonna just let them deliver it to the Dirty House, and I'll go back and get it later. I think thats the best thing for me, cause I truly don't feel like dealing with the drive to Chantilly again, or anything involved in that area. It seems I'm going to be making a cameo at Mason to hand in my override... now I just have to figure out what the fuck I do to turn it in. If there is anything to turn in at all.... Yes Virginia, I can be a fuck up.

I think its gonna have to be hard 'cause I need to *want* it after I've gotten it, ya know? But, in an effort to clear my head, I've been taking online quizzes.

Quick! Learn!

Evil Quiz: You're totally evil. When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror you say, 'I'm gonna be evil today!' You know you're evil and you love it.

(photo lost to time)
What Type of Lunatic are You?

(photo lost to time)
(photo lost to time)
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?

(photo lost to time)
Your soul is bound to the Burning Rose: The Rapture.

"I go where my heart beckons me, and I go
with my head high. But sometimes, I get a need until I bleed so my heart swims above my head.

The Burning Rose is associated with passion, intensity, and desire. It is governed by the god Eros and its sign is The Flame, or Physical Love.

As a Burning Rose, you can get lost in the moment if you let yourself. You are a very physical person, be it in relationships, work, or play. You may be driven by your hormones sometimes, but you know it's because you have to follow your instinct.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?



Lots of quizzes! I needed a little self involved time, and I feel much better! Oh, for the record, I also would have rolled a "Gay Bear" and a "Tramp Bear" on the one quiz, should I have changed just one answer in the last question. Same with the first question. There were two answers I *really* liked in both, and changing them at all gave me 4 distinctly different bears.

Though, really, I suppose Tramp Bear and Gay Bear go hand in hand. As do Stoner Bear and Raver Bear. Whatever.

You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you, you have a long history of rising above adversity.  Recent adversity has led to questions
about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage to attract a
number of tourists and admirers.  And despite any setbacks, you can really cook a good
meal whenever it's called for.  Good enough to make people cry.

Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid</font>



Hahahaha! Yay!