Shame is a lousy motivator. When teaching with a methodology that included gatekeeping postures, it because a place where real student-teacher friction occurred in my yoga room. It wasn’t always clean friction. Heres a story from a decade ago: at some plont that year, I had failed to speak directly to a student about a dynamic that was bothering ME.

My student was feeling stuck in a particularly sticky pose, and the friction from other places allowed for weird dynamics. i didn’t understand those dynamics yet. I see clearly now how the dynamic of keeping someone at a pose when they feel ready to move on fosters a loss of agency and fosters authoritarianism and inadvertently becomes a power move, whether you mean it like that or not. I was in my first five years, and had yet to start disassembling the pedagogy. At some points, my buttons got pushed by that students behavior. I yelled and told them to leave the room. I was sooooooooo out of line. And boy, did I owe that student an apology. It was that moment that broke my illusion: I did not like this dynamic and it felt abhorrent to the nature of Ashtanga and yet somehow also baked in. I am grateful for that students forgiveness and for our mutual respect making clear something needed to shift, and it would be my responsibility. Students shouldn’t be yelled at, most especially the devoted ones who are questioning their discipline to a dysmorphic degree.

Those dynamics needn’t exist.

madonna gave me letterman.
mom and dad.