Silhouette of a woman performing a yoga stretching exercise on her back.

What Do You Enjoy Doing?

The first twenty minutes go the same way every time. A new client comes in and we inventory the damage. Where it hurts, how long it’s been hurting, what they’ve tried, what failed, what the doctor said. It’s useful information. I need it. But after a while it starts to sound like a case file, and a case file isn’t a person. So I change the subject. “What do you enjoy doing?” I ask. Not what they used to enjoy before the injury. Not what they plan to get back to eventually. What do they do for fun, right now, this week, in their actual life. The question lands strangely. There’s always a pause. Not a polite one — a real pause, the kind that…

Two silhouettes face each other with steady golden eye contact holding firm despite leaves and wind swirling between them.

The Coercers Are the Ones Who Fear Being Seen

I was trying to describe someone — a teacher, a manager, the kind of authority figure who issues a lot of direction without doing much of it themselves — and I kept landing on a word that surprised me. Not incompetent. Not lazy. Afraid. Fear isn’t what I usually reach for when I’m trying to explain coercive leadership. But sit with it long enough and it makes a very specific kind of sense. The people who lead by force and mandate and the threat of consequence are, very often, the people who most fear leading by example. Not for personal reasons. For structural ones. When you lead by example, your behavior is the argument. Not your title. Not your seniority, your credential, your years in…

A silhouetted figure stands in an empty room with morning light streaming across bare wooden floors, emphasizing the visible absence of a daily routine.

What Happens When I Leave the Room

There is a student I have in mind. She’s been practicing for three years. In class, she’s steady. She follows the sequence. Her breath is mostly even. She adjusts when I adjust her. When I watch her, I see someone who knows what she’s doing. Then I find out she hasn’t practiced at home in six months. “I just can’t get myself going without you there,” she says. She means it as a compliment. It isn’t one. This is the method problem that doesn’t get talked about. Not: is the teacher ethical. Not: is the lineage healthy. Those are real questions, but they’re not this one. This one is simpler and more embarrassing for everyone involved: I have been teaching this person for three years,…